It's All Because of You

"People would always ask me why I decided to join the Navy. " I began.

"Well, why did you?" The tired face of my patient looked back at me helplessly.

"There are many reasons, actually. There are the ABC reasons, the XYZ, and the LMNOP's. The ABC's are what you tell to the people that don't matter much. You're just giving them an answer to be courteous, anyways. So you say you joined because you wanted some adventure and why the hell not?" I reached for some alcohol, and he winced as I used it to clean out the large gash on his shoulder.

"I say the same thing, haha." He gave a weak laugh.

"But then there are the XYZ reasons. Those are for the people that matter a bit more. Maybe you tell these reasons to your family. You say you wanted to become a part of something- you want to travel- you feel like it's your duty to serve. You want to make it up to some people, help the world, die honorably. These reasons are satisfyingly true, but can be ultimately meaningless to you. It's the LMNOP reasons that matter most. You tell those to the people thatreally matter. I've never told anyone those reasons because I've been saving them for you." I put down the gauze and looked him straight in the eye.

"Do you remember when I told you I loved you when I was sixteen? You were eighteen and told me I was foolishly too young to know what love was. You broke my fucking heart." He discontinued our eye contact and looked away and tears welled up in his eyes. He was sorry, I could tell, but I kept talking anyways.

"You blew your high school education and felt like you had nothing else going for you except the Navy. I still had my education, so I used it to my advantage. I applied for scholarships and made my commitment to the Navy. They sent me to medical school and I graduated top of my class. Before you broke my heart, I didn't know that I wanted to go into a field where I fixed people for a living. I thought I wanted to pursue my art, but then I thought about you being all alone in the Navy." I looked back at him and he was making eye contact again.

"I chose nursing in hopes that one day I might be able to save you. I wanted to know what I had to do in order to keep you alive. Even if it wasn't you who I was directly helping, maybe I could know what to do to save one of your friends and they'd know how to save you if I never got the chance. But here we are and here I am. I know how to save you, and it's all because of you."